[She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment. There's warmth from him calling her his friend, like sinking into a warm bath, but that pain is still present in her chest.] You're right. I know you are, it's just... I promised Sensei to watch over everyone, and then-
[Nanami breaks herself off, opening her eyes and blinking rapidly. It isn't right for her to tell that to Hinata and not be able to do the same as what she asked. Even if her face feels a little warm when she sees where his eyes are directed.]
Moving on, though... That's something we can aim for, I think. We're here now. And I'm- I'm sad about what's happened to you and me to everyone, I don't even know if sad is the right word for it but- [Realizes she's talking too fast. Takes a breath through the tightness of her throat, and tries again.] But we're here now. And even if I'm sad, I'm so happy we're here together. We can try again here, for as long as we have.
[It still hurts. She thinks about what they must have done to Hinata while she'd probably had no clue and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts-
She breathes again, once more. But now...] You're here now. Like you said, we don't have to blame ourselves for whatever happened. Even if some scary things are happening here, we can protect each other. We can be safe. [Again she grabs the traitorous hand from before with the other, before it can make another bad life decision and try to reach for him.] I know we can. Even if I can't do much... I'll do whatever I can to protect everyone, to make it safe for everyone here. I'll... do better by everyone this time.
[Almost word for word what she had said to Komaeda, but for some reason it... It hasn't stopped hurting, but there's something like hope mixed in now where there hadn't been before.]
[It hits him all at once that she doesn't understand. She accepts them but she doesn't truly understand. In a way he's glad. The innocence she still has is something precious that he wants to keep safe. But it won't be. Not with them.
They are to blame for the state of their world. She's trying to protect them but, what about herself. He steps closer, slowly step by step until their height difference is all too clear.] Nanami.
[His voice breaks the quiet, soft and steady. All too close to the tone he'd used in the boat when he was someone else.]
You need to remember to protect yourself too. We can all find some way to make things work out. But we have to do that together, watching each other's backs. You didn't fail.
We did. But that's something we have to deal with ourselves. ...that means right now, asking me whatever you want to ask.
[Protect... herself? The thought is almost... foreign. She's spent so much time worrying about everyone else, she's barely given herself a thought. She hadn't really cared, as long as she could keep everyone happy and as together as she could... But...
It feels like she failed. Not blaming herself is so hard... Especially when everyone she cared about had gotten hurt in the end.
...Maybe this is the start, though. Maybe from this, she can learn.
She tilts her head up to look at him. He's so tall. It's one of the first things she ever noticed about him, and for some reason, rather than intimidating it has always been... comforting.]
Tell me what the simulation was like. The good things and the bad things. About... everyone else who died in the program, but also about the time you shared with them. [The corner of her mouth tugs up, like it wants to smile.] Especially about Nanami-san.
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Backdated to 3/10; Action cw: dr2 spoilers, suicide discussion
Date: 2017-04-05 08:23 am (UTC)[Nanami breaks herself off, opening her eyes and blinking rapidly. It isn't right for her to tell that to Hinata and not be able to do the same as what she asked. Even if her face feels a little warm when she sees where his eyes are directed.]
Moving on, though... That's something we can aim for, I think. We're here now. And I'm- I'm sad about what's happened to you and me to everyone, I don't even know if sad is the right word for it but- [Realizes she's talking too fast. Takes a breath through the tightness of her throat, and tries again.] But we're here now. And even if I'm sad, I'm so happy we're here together. We can try again here, for as long as we have.
[It still hurts. She thinks about what they must have done to Hinata while she'd probably had no clue and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts-
She breathes again, once more. But now...] You're here now. Like you said, we don't have to blame ourselves for whatever happened. Even if some scary things are happening here, we can protect each other. We can be safe. [Again she grabs the traitorous hand from before with the other, before it can make another bad life decision and try to reach for him.] I know we can. Even if I can't do much... I'll do whatever I can to protect everyone, to make it safe for everyone here. I'll... do better by everyone this time.
[Almost word for word what she had said to Komaeda, but for some reason it... It hasn't stopped hurting, but there's something like hope mixed in now where there hadn't been before.]
Backdated to 3/10; Action cw: dr2 spoilers, suicide discussion
Date: 2017-04-06 02:37 am (UTC)They are to blame for the state of their world. She's trying to protect them but, what about herself. He steps closer, slowly step by step until their height difference is all too clear.] Nanami.
[His voice breaks the quiet, soft and steady. All too close to the tone he'd used in the boat when he was someone else.]
You need to remember to protect yourself too. We can all find some way to make things work out. But we have to do that together, watching each other's backs. You didn't fail.
We did. But that's something we have to deal with ourselves. ...that means right now, asking me whatever you want to ask.
I'll tell you everything I know and remember.
Backdated to 3/10; Action cw: dr2 spoilers, suicide discussion
Date: 2017-04-08 05:14 am (UTC)It feels like she failed. Not blaming herself is so hard... Especially when everyone she cared about had gotten hurt in the end.
...Maybe this is the start, though. Maybe from this, she can learn.
She tilts her head up to look at him. He's so tall. It's one of the first things she ever noticed about him, and for some reason, rather than intimidating it has always been... comforting.]
Tell me what the simulation was like. The good things and the bad things. About... everyone else who died in the program, but also about the time you shared with them. [The corner of her mouth tugs up, like it wants to smile.] Especially about Nanami-san.